One of those Shoreditch queers, Scott spends his time pretending to be witty on the internet. He talks a lot, which is handy since he does stuff on the radio and YouTube. He’s a qualified masseur, lifeguard and ordained minister. He likes cake, gin and talking in the third person. He’s probably trying to shag your boyfriend.

I’ve been an admirer of Iris for several years now, so to be invited to be a jury member is an exciting development. I’m slightly worried that they must think I’m someone who has grownup thoughts about things, rather than just daydreaming about Jason Momoa and wondering where my next drink is coming from. While I make no promises, I’ll do my best not to fuck it up.